The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

And I guess I never really knew what they mean when they said, “the eyes are the window of your soul,” until I saw it in you.

The way the hues of all your emotions melted in your eyes.

Bright and there in front of me for the world and I to see.

When you smiled, I saw a wave of blue swirl around; the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. The way they’d bright up still mesmerizing me until this day; I still search for those eyes.

Then, that day came around, when I saw the gray skies reflect in your eyes. Your dead eyes in front of me showed your pain.



The happiness inside of you was gone.

Somebody once told me I was annoying, and it literally broke my heart. Because it felt like I was giving too much of myself to people who didn’t want it. It felt like I was forcing myself to be in a place where I wasn’t wanted. That was the starting point, and it never stopped. My heart just keeps on breaking. Because I still feel unwanted. I still feel like I’m not enough. I still feel like I’m annoying the hell out of everyone. And it still hurts the same way it did the first time - like I’d somehow rather die

I didn’t tell anyone about you, except maybe the moon. I’d sneak out past midnight, when the night is at its darkest, the moon at its brightest, and the sky at its prettiest. I’d stay outside for hours singing songs only the moon could hear. I’d tell her all about you - what you look like, what you seem like, what you feel like. I told her about how you and I met, and I think she was shocked on how vividly I remembered it. I also told her about your eyes and how I almost always get lost in them. Truthfully, she knows everything I know about you. These are things I can’t tell anyone else; it’s a secret I can only share with her.



Sometimes, I think she responds. You know, sometimes she slightly changes colors. And sometimes, the nightlight looks like it’s dancing. But some nights she looks tired, maybe I’m not the only one talking to her. I once asked her, if you talk to her too. And if so, do you tell her about me the same way I tell her about you?

I want you

With your chapstick, coffee and glasses;

I want you

With your lipstick, dress, and heels.

I want you

In your tears and your frustration;

I want you

In your smiles and your laughter.

I want you

On the days where you sleep in and only get up to lay around all day;

I want you

On the days where you rise at dawn and don’t stop moving until the sun goes down.

I want you

When, “Really, everything’s okay,” but you are not;

I want you

When you can’t stop laughing, even though the joke was made hours ago.

I want you

Surrounded by flowers, on spring and summer days;

I want you

Surrounded by fallen leaves, on autumn and winter days.

I want you

At the times when you feel your best;

I want you

At the times when you feel your worst.

I want you

Through rain or shine, or both at the same time.

I want you when everything goes according to plan;

I want you in the nonsense.

Oh, darling - I want every bit of you, always.

I used to live inside my own head and explore my mind. I traveled to the deepest depths of my memory, traversed uncharted topics, built perfect worlds, created futures, changed destinies, soared to new heights. Until I was ripped out of it all and back into an incomplete reality.



The difference between then and now?



Once I put it all into words, it becomes more than just living inside my own head.



Now, I paint my worlds in black and white

The first guy that ever broke my heart is my Father. I love him very much but his selfishness has shattered me, killed my mother's compassion and became the root of my evils.



So tell me, do you really think I can’t survive a heartbreak caused by a mere guy when my heart was never whole ever since my Father broke it?



But surviving means you still have to go through the pain.

It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.



…A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.



Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.



Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.



I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.



You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of sh*t doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.



Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?



We shall see.

These words I write, they will be the last ever to be wasted on you.



You won’t be affected by the pain inscribed and imbedded in this, my last testimony to the love I once held for you.



I will write this in the last of the blood, pain, sweat and tears I will ever allow to be given up for you



These are last words allowed to engulf my soul as I sit in the shadow of you with your back turned to me.



No longer will I let myself overflow and spill over the edges with these pained words crafted for a fallen angel who never wanted to be saved and brought back to Hell.



I refuse to give up all I have left inside my body, to give up the sacred words that rage and burn inside my soul like the fires of Hell reaching out to kiss my neck one last time



You gave me back my voice when I thought I had lost it forever to the wind whipping around me, silencing my cries



And I refuse to allow you take them back into your bitter soul when you didn’t even want them in the first place

Sometimes I want to crush stone and ice with my hands, walk in the fire and dive in deep black water… Sometimes I just want to feel strong, because I know you will come close to me and I will fall in your blue eyes head first…

I do believe,

I need hope,

I need peace.

So in rest I shall live.

Dozens of love,

Dozens of dope,

As long as I don’t loose

Me.

Believing above

Of what I can see.

Showing them, the mercy

I never had,

Shall strength making me sad.



So I can keep holding on.

So I can keep writing

Poetry,

About mercy,

About me.

I cannot blame society

Of what it’s done,

Because my sorrow

Can’t be forgiven

Or undone.



Dozens of pain,

Dozens of grief.

Make my wish

My own belief.

It’s not healing

My saddest stitch,

Shall we remain

In endless peace.



May I cry

When I’m tired?

May I ask

To the tear that I’ve dry,

If I need more violence

To see,

What the hell is happening to me?



Tears glowing

With the wind blowing

My face off the scars

I’ve been holding on my back.

Making me feel that,

For a little while

A light of joy,

One shining smile

On the dark.

Darkness I belong

And I’m whispering

A sad poem,

A sad song.

You’re the part of outer space.

No one understands.

Yet, everyone is trying to explore

There wasn’t a beginning, Or end, to you.

Stars poured out of your soul.

Supplying a little twinkle to all who pass.

Every planet you obtain,

Are homes you’ve retained

Most forsaken

They’re your getaways.

There’s a light comparable to our sun,

Without out a doubt you shine exceedingly.

It keeps them steady

When you feel like blowing up.

It’s easy for you to just be,

But complicated when people make a home in you.

You don’t want them to explore your beauties.

Your nebulas could only be compared to Orion, Carina, and Triffid,

The constellations that were beautifully brought into existence, better than Canis Major, Ursa Major, and Hercules.

All of the galaxies formed inside of you. For only a few to ever see.

Hiding these parts.

So no one can hurt you.

let me be your cigarette

you can put me right between your teeth

and smoke me when you’re stressed

or when you simply miss the taste of my breath



inhale me right in and make a home

for me in your lungs rather than your rib cage,

a heart is never enough for love nowadays — they say

so darling won’t you light me up

and never quit me, show me how far you’d go for me



for all i seek is to be something

that you’re addicted to

with no promises made,

no pretty lies and dying forevers

only a cigarette that’s enough

to put you in the grave one day



while knowing that, yet trusting that it won’t

while knowing that, yet not caring if it will

how beautiful a love like that could be?



so baby let me be your cigarette,

one you smoke day after day



inhale me all in

till i eventually take all your breath away

Means you open your rib-cage wide open, see through his cold face, fully believe he’s soft inside, he just need to be loved more and you’re so ready to worship him.



Means you lick the scars on your hands because he doesn’t know how to touch without hurting.



Means you look away from warnings because they don’t understand him as much as you do.



Means an ocean of forgiveness.



Means it’s okay I don’t mind, again and again and again. Until you can’t tell the difference between "I love you" and "please hurt me more."



Maybe you deserve a monster because you too are a monster under that skin.



Fall in love with a monster.



Means fingers trembling, picking up shattered glass on the floor and shutting the door when he leaves...



Because a beast doesn’t know how to stay.